So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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