I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize