My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
