i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No subtext here. People are naked.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
