GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
