Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
