I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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