btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
