We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
