I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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