Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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