I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize