so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The air taste purple.
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