i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
