So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
