The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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