loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
