yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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