look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
