remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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