You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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