My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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