I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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