Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I forget how to act sober
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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