I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
