I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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