you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i out mim tonsoeep
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