Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
