I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
