He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize