You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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