it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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