it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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