I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
