I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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