the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
