ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
