Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
