Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
