Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
