I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
