Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My feet surprised me
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