Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize