ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
