Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just high enough for therapy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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