you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
