i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
