She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
