I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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