Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize