The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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