I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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