hotel room ftw
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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