I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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