Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
