It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
