"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wish I only lived at night.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
