Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
