I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
