You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
