His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We left an ass print on the piano.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
