Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My ass is underappreciated
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
