I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
