I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
