I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
