Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
